A Confession

‘Confess your crime!’ Mahesh bellowed.

Samaira was at home after finishing her school for the day. After changing her clothes, she went inside the kitchen and took the food out from the fridge which her mother, Natasha had kept. She heated it on the stove as mother had taught her. After finishing her lunch, she opened the upper cabinet in the kitchen to take a glass out. She raised herself up on her toes trying to take a glass out but her hands brushed against a mug her father had bought from of his foreign trips and it fell down with a crash. Afraid of the implications, she quickly collected the pieces using a plastic shovel and tied them in polythene which she threw outside the house. Later, she went inside her room. She was enjoying her afternoon siesta when her father came in. He asked if she had broken something in the kitchen. Afraid, she lied. But Mahesh, shuffling nervously on his feet, kept on probing her wanting her to confess.

A blunt heavy hand landed on her cheek. It burned brightly in the afternoon heat. Samaira, then a ten year old, was moved to tears. She confessed her crime over her hiccups. She told him how afraid she was of being discovered. But Mahesh kept on glaring at her as if possessed by some animal spirit. He slapped her a few times more. Samaira thought it was over when he stopped. But all of a sudden, she felt her frock being torn. Holding the right shoulder of her frock, Mahesh pushed her against a wall. Her eyes widened. She wasn’t sure what she should do. She kept sniffling as her father tore away her clothing. She said sorry in muffled tones as her father’s hot breath kept falling on her face. But he didn’t stop. 

After a few minutes, Mahesh stood up and buttoned his jeans. Samaira was lying naked on her bed not sure what had happened in those few minutes.

‘It’s your punishment’, he said as he moved out of her room.

Mahesh went outside the house and was back only after a few hours reeking of alcohol. Natasha, her mother, was still not home. He went inside Samaira’s room where she was curled up in a corner wearing some clothes she took from her closet. He went for her again. This time Samaira was sure that it was not her punishment; it was start of her long ordeal.

Samaira became quite introvert after that. The happiest time of her day was when she reached her school but as the day came to a pass, a sense of gloom clouded her face. As the students ran out of their classes at the first ring of the bell, she picked up her books tiredly and with slow steps started towards the school bus. Many a times, she was the last one to board the bus. As she disembarked the bus, in her mind she prayed for her mother’s presence at home. More often than not, her mother was out for work. Natasha worked at a multinational in a job which was demanding but paid well. She used to work for long hours while Mahesh was at home writing his stories. He used to work at a private firm but turned a full time writer quite early in his career when it started paying him well. Samaira had stopped eating in the drawing room and used to take her food to her room from the refrigerator without heating it. She ate her lunch and did her homework inside her room while waiting for Natasha to arrive and wishing that there is no knock on her door before her arrival. But sometimes, there was a knock.

Natasha was sixteen now and she knew what Mahesh did to her. But somehow, she was not able to confront him and was also ashamed to tell her mother. Natasha did spend time with her but she didn’t notice the changes in her behavior through years. Being the only child, she felt Samaira’s aloofness was a result of her being lonely which was quite natural for children her age.

It was her last year in school. Samaira had applied at different colleges around the country. The day she received a call from a distant college was the best day of her life. Freedom at last! She thought. She was ecstatic on hearing it waiting to tell her mother the news as soon as she arrived at home. That day she was not the last one to board the bus and when she reached her home, she warmed up her food and ate in the drawing room while waiting for her mother. At the dinner table, she broke the news to her parents.

Natasha was happy to hear the news. She hugged Samaira and started making a list of things her daughter would need in her college in her mind.

‘Why does she need to go outside the city to study?’ Mahesh broke Natasha’s chain of thoughts.

Samaira looked at Mahesh. A fear was lurking inside her.

‘There is a new college which has opened in our city. It’s better for Samaira’s future that she joins it. It is actually much better than the one which admitted her. The Director is my friend. We will work something out. Our daughter can stay at her home while completing her degree.’ Mahesh’s words seared through Samaira’s heart. She was too shocked to respond. She mumbled something inaudible under her breath. Natasha looked at her daughter lovingly. She was happy that she won’t be going away from her home. Rest of the dinner was uneventful.

Samaira went to her room after dinner. The future seemed like a gaping hole. She couldn’t even respond to her father on the table. Darkness engulfed her whole as the only olive branch, for which she had waited for years, was wrenched away from her. She couldn’t sleep that night. One day of respite which she got after so many years of a living hell was forced away from her at a dinner table conversation. She felt powerless to decide her own future course.

Next day, when Samaira returned, she went inside her room and ate her lunch in silence. As she prepared herself for an afternoon siesta, there was a knock at her door. Mahesh walked in smilingly.

‘Have you eaten something?’ he asked.

Samaira nodded and like she had been doing for many years now, she laid down on the right side of the bed after closing the curtains. She remained like that for an hour as Mahesh used her body to satiate his passion. When he stood up, Samaira picked up her clothes and went to the bathroom.

When she came outside, she saw Mahesh sitting on her bed. ‘Will you make some tea for me?’ he asked. Samaira went to the kitchen without saying anything as Mahesh walked back to the drawing room and started working on his unfinished novel. Samaira thought about yesterday’s conversation on the dinner table. She thought of talking to her father directly about it. It was her only chance to get her life back. She couldn’t leave it so easily. Her trance was broken by a tear falling into the tea as it was coming to boil. She poured the tea into a cup and went out to serve Mahesh.

Mahesh carefully watched her distraught face. Their eyes met and in an instant, Samaira knew that he was aware of her desperation. ‘See if there are any sandwiches in the refrigerator’, Mahesh said. Samaira took out the sandwiches and put them in a microwave. As she waited for the timer to buzz, two hands came from behind and started feeling her. Mahesh’s deep breath fell on her neck. ‘I will never let you leave’, he said.

They stood like that for a long time. At last, Samaira said, ‘I want to go to the college’.

Mahesh kissed her neck and repeated, ‘I will never let you leave’.

‘I want to go to the college’, Samaira repeated.

‘No, you don’t. You want to run away from here’, Mahesh laughed.

Samaira’s vision gets blurred due to her tears. She was shaking under intense agony. Despite knowing everything, her father made her feel so powerless exercising absolute control over all aspects of her life. She couldn’t continue like this throughout her life, she thought. Mahesh licked her neck and his hands started unbuttoning her shirt. Her gaze fell on a kitchen knife lying nearby. She picked it up and with one swift stroke pushed it inside Mahesh’s belly. Surprised by this sudden move, Mahesh fell backwards tearing her shirt off holding his wound with one hand. He tried to stand up but Samaira attacked him again making another gash across his belly. She didn’t stop after that. In a mad rush, she kept on knifing Mahesh till any sign of life was not left in his body.

She sat there for a few hours waiting for her mother unsure of what needs to be done. Mahesh’s body was lying in a pool of blood with Samaira’s shirt still held in its hand and the blood stained knife lying by its side. While she was aware of the seriousness of the crime she had committed, a sense of lightness descended upon her. She didn’t feel afraid of the consequences nor did she do anything to hide her actions. The sun had descended at the horizon. Mother would soon ring the bell, she thought and soon, she fell asleep near the dead body as she waited for her mother.

The bell rang. She opened the door. Natasha was surprised by her disheveled look. Samaira didn’t wait for her but started for the kitchen with Natasha following her footsteps.

‘He had been doing this to me since last seven years’, Samaira said plainly.

Natasha looked at the body of her husband and then, at her daughter. She was shocked beyond words by the scene before her eyes. It took her a few moments to understand the gravity of what her daughter had just uttered.

‘College was my only option and he took it away from me’, Samaira added.  Tears welled up in her eyes and as Natasha hugged her, she felt that they both were shaking.

They stood clinging to each other for long. At last, Natasha looked at her and said, ‘I am sorry. I never noticed’.

She went into Samaira’s room and bought a shirt from her closet. Then she asked her to take a bath while she started cleaning up the blood. She removed the stains from the kitchen sink and on the slab. She wringed out Samaira’s shirt from Mahesh’s hand and put it aside noting that she needed to throw it away. She took the knife and put it on the slab covering it with her scarf.

As she mopped up and drained away the spilled blood, she started thinking about the lost years of Samaira’s childhood. She thought about the changes in her personality over the years. For seven years, she was suffering a pathetic existence in the same house as her mother. She remembered how her face lit up every time she reached home and how distraught she, sometimes, sounded when she called while still at office. She looked at Mahesh’s body, her husband who she had lost forever. But she had lost her daughter many years ago. Mahesh’s sickening lust for Samaira’s body was as much the cause of her misery as her mother’s neglect. She was a partner, perhaps greater, in the crime committed today, she thought.

She had done a lot of cleaning in the kitchen taking care to remove any fingerprints. Tired, she went into Samaira’s room where she was lying on her bed after taking a bath.

‘I am going for a coffee. You stay here in your room’, she said. Samaira looked blankly towards her without saying a word.

She sat in the Starbucks cafe, sipping her coffee and staring out of the window. The blood stained knife lay next to her handbag, covered with her blue silk scarf. She checked her mail on mobile. Mahesh’s mail sent in the morning was in her inbox. He had forwarded her the affirmation from the Director of the local College regarding Samaira’s admission. She deleted the mail and called Samaira. Her daughter picked up the phone but didn’t say a thing.

‘Make a list of things you would need for your college’, she said and disconnected. As her coffee was about to finish, she sighed and dialed 100.

‘It is time to confess my crime’, she murmured.